Trip Report: Acadia: Day 1

The Arrival

With some clever rigging, stable speeds of 80 mph can be reached

Unemployed and smiling I awoke on Friday morning earlier than I’d dragged myself out of bed in weeks.  Twas time to drive North to Acadia, land of ocean cliffs and lobster boats.  Since I’m unemployed and can no longer afford to do laundry I piled every single article of clothing I’d worn into the backseat (Hello Dad!), strapped the Mondo to the roof and drove to the BRG to get Secret Asian Dan.  The Mondo was achieving some undesirable flapping at speeds above 55mph, so I made some modifications (luckily, as a climber I tend to have a lot fo webbing around.. and some knot talent..).. but anyway.. to the North!

Got Dan, hit the highways.  Made some more modfications to raise the non-flapping speed limit to 75, and opened the sun roof to induce vortex shedding which raised the flap-free speed to a cool 80 mph, and finally started making real progress.  Highways, gas breaks, fast food, one bag of beef jerky, and 5 hours later we roll into Bar Harbor.  Here’s where the coincidental fabulousness really starts…

We roll up to Acadia Mountain Guides, which appears to be closed.  We’re standing around looking at the shuttered store when Jeremy opens the door and we have this exchange

“Can I help you guys?”
“We need a climbing guide”
“We only have the shitty one”

A good start to a great weekend

“Does the good one have bouldering?”
“No, but I’m going there now”
“We’ll follow you”

and thus was the beginning of a beautiful friendship and out introduction to the dozen or so climbers who make up the Acadia climbing scene.

On the way to Great Head, we ran into Park Ranger Dylan who happened to be patrolling the trail to Great Head, and thus, in the first hour of Acadia, we’d met more or less everyone we needed to meet, more or less accidentally.

Checking out the new problems along the shore line

We made our way to Great Head and were greeted by what possibly might be the prettiest bouldering locale in all of New England.  Two dozen routes from V2 to V10 on horizontal roofs looking east over the ocean.  We warmed up on “Warm Up Left, V2” and “Warm Up Right, V4” and then went down to the cave of lines where we met Pete and Eli who own Atlantic Climbing Guides and Jesse who’s been developing the island and surrounding main lands.  The guys were super friendly, chatting while working “Center Line, V8” (wicked creative naming on the island, Center Line is between Left Line and Right Line.), and a contrived variation of Center Line that doesn’t include heel hooks, which, is pretty sick when you’re on a horizontal roof with nothing but slopers.

The sun dipped below the horizon, and Jeremy showed us to the Lompoc where we commenced consumption of the first of what turned out to be a lot of Dark and Stormies, harassment of our ironic waitress and competitve bocce (in which our ability to play competed with our ability to drink Dark and Stormies).  Park Ranger Dylan offered us lodging and the Mondo proved to be a worthy mattress.

Acadia, the way bouldering should be.

 

Trip Report: Acadia: Day 2

Great Head and Dark and Stormies

Saturday’s adventure started with breakfast in sunny, 65 degree weather at Cafe This Way. As we pulled into the parking lot, one of the cooks noticed the Mondo strapped to the Bimmer, stuck his head out a window and asked where we were bouldering. Rolling around town with a crash pad awkwardly strapped to your car definitely gets you noticed by the local climbers. After coffee, a breakfast burrito, eggs benedict, sausage, and lots of bacon, Tex and I were ready to climb.

Moving on to Great Head after digesting a magnificent breakfast, we warmed up with Jenn and Hannah (who apparently worked at Cafe This Way and had shown up moments before we did). As we were warming up and taking sweet pics of the ocean, a lady from a larger group (from Boston) down by the cave decided to come up to our area and place a T-Rex in the background of some of our shots. It was pure awesomeness.

T-Rex lurking in the background. Rawr.

Meanwhile, a second large group of boulderers, also from Boston, had made their way over, and it appeared as if the boulders were about to be overcrowded. As luck would have it, the second large group turned around and left to explore other areas since they saw the first large group climbing; 5 minutes later, the first large group packed up and moved elsewhere.

Tex on Warm Up Left V2. People in the background packing up.

Jenn made this Warm Up V4 look much better than S.A.D.

Left with the whole Great Head area to ourselves, Tex was convinced to find an FA with a near impossible reach and to name it “Because I’m Tall”. He eventually found a route slightly below the main cave with a huge opening move coming out of a roof. While he stuck the first move, he failed to send the rest of the problem, thus allowing me to send it and name it “Dufour, I Am Stronger Than You”. Note that this was probably not the FA, but our names are better than “Left Line” and “Center Line”.

Dufour failing at being tall.

S.A.D. being stronger than Dufour.

Finishing out "Dufour, I Am Stronger Than You" on crimps.

I proceeded to return to the main cave and work Right Line (V5). At this time Jesse showed up to work some V9 in the cave and provided us with some beta, a much needed extra pad, and a spot. The problem started under the roof, moved to the edge of the roof, and used a sweet heel-toe cam to pull around the roof edge. While no one move on the Right Line was terribly bad, the landing under the crux was a definite back breaker, and after taking a solid fall, I was done mentally. No send this time, but a good project nonetheless.

Jesse protecting S.A.D on Right Line crux.

To wind down from a day of good oceanside bouldering, we decided to refuel at Rosalie’s Pizza, and hit the Lompoc for a few Dark and Stormies. Our ironic waitress was right on point and saved us the trouble of having to verbally communicate our orders. From there, we paid a visit to Jeremy at Acadia Mountain Guides to shop for some shoes and figure out Sunday climbing plans. As the shop did not carry the proper shoe sizes for us, we decided to return to the Lompoc again where our favorite ironic waitress kept the Dark and Stormies flowing through the night. We were eventually joined by Jeremy and Park Ranger Dylan, who offered us lodging once again.

 

Trip Report: Acadia: Day 3

For me the day began not with the rising of the sun but the night before. Obliging my family is a rare occasion, but this time around I was compelled to meet my fellow trainees up at the illustrious Acadia on Day 3 of their trip. Why did day 3 start on day 2 you ask? Well, simply because the bulk of Day 2’s evening was spent in communication with Tex and S.A.D. who decided to whet my appetite by telling me how amazing the location was. Curiosity peaked when I found out that they had “befriended the locals”; which, frankly, could have meant they were tossed into debtors prison as easily as found a wild animal that happened to be following them along the rocky beach.

I awoke much earlier on Sunday than I had thought I would, swung by Bath, ME to pick up J. Megs who wanted to join in our shenanigans. All said and done, we were in Bar Harbor by 9:30ish to meet the guys for a sleepy breakfast at Café This Way. Here is where I found out firsthand that the trip would be worth it. The stories from the crag seemed amazing, the people chill and the air crisp. I also found out that “befriending the locals” meant something in between what I had suspected. J. Megs decided to conquer the wave blasted cliffs of Otter and not hike around the rocky shore in search of random bouldering lines. Though without a doubt, her own adventure was eventful.

Armed with beta from a waitress and the local gear shop employee, Dufour, S.A.D. and I embarked on Greathead with ambition in our hearts. I was shown the lines to warm up on, and attempted to conquer my height by completing the route named “Dufour I am stronger than you”. My own deficiencies prevented me from sticking the opening move; but progress was being made in the 20 minutes that we spent playing on it.

I have 67 shots of Mateyko missing the opening move and one poorly framed one of him making the fourth.

Our minds turned to encouragement where we spent some time coaxing S.A.D. through a v4/v6 where none of us really had a firm idea of what the sequence was. Dan resolved himself to believe that a big throw from a semi-good crimp to a hold we couldn’t see the top of must have been the right way. After numerous attempts, and getting progressively closer, the ancient techniques passed down by S.A.D.’s forefathers did not prevail. Alas, hearts and minds rest assured that the next trip to the region will dispense with the problem.

Dan stretching it out on the Left Line

Imagine now, the air crisp from an ocean breeze, the clouds not letting up, and the 3 of us jumping along the rocks looking for a hidden oasis of climbing. Well, we didn’t exactly find an oasis, but we did find a cave that most wouldn’t give a second glance. Not more than 4 feet deep and 10 feet high, we descended upon this spot. The first hold for both routes we discovered began on a smooth pocket roughly resembling a pair of lips <insert incessant lewd references>. S.A.D. jumped in first off, found a route with a big move off the start continued with big moves to big holds. Dufour got the second ascent and I, the third. We dubbed this route “Left Lips”, a v2/v2+ problem.

Gazing up at the lips.

“Right Lips” threw us for a bit. Fighting a nasty overhang of smooth rock does not me an easy traverse. S.A.D. starts us off again with a big move off the start. But the second move eludes all of us for some time. S.A.D. comes up with a nice knee bar to free up the torso for rotation. He seemed to get stuck with his right leg though. My right knee is slightly tweaked right now so I decided to use the left leg…lo and behold, I was able to send the rest of our line. But since I skipped the first move which eluded me at present time, I can’t claim the FA. S.A.D. makes short work of the line with the new beta. Dufour finds a toe-hook with simultaneous knee-bar to allow a no hands rest; way to go Dufour.

The difference between a toe cam and knee jam is Dan failing on Lips Right

"You know what I did with no hands last night?"

The balance of the day was spent exploring and fantasizing. We spent a significant amount of time walking the shore and inspecting what seemed to be great caves. Once we got in them however, it appeared that the lines were either wet, or well beyond our capabilities. Rock on to whomever climbs them. We did find a great warm up wall with a few V1s on it.

Secret Asian Dan making the V8 Face on a random V1 Face

Our adventures were finished for the day when we found what looked like a spectacular cave. From all angles this place inspired awe. Alas, getting there was no small feat with crash pads on your back. Navigating the mossy boulders and barnacle laden rocks proved trickier than one would expect. Once in the cave, which I now have reason to believe is called Millennium Cave, we were unable to find a line that had a safe landing zone and was not soaked. After a good hard look we retreated to path and made our way back to vehicular transport.

Back in town S.A.D secured lodging for the night and we made our way to the Lompoc to meet “the locals”. The waitress remembered Dufour and S.A.D. from their previous visits and Jeremy tossed back a few with us while talking about developing climbing on the island. The Lompoc sports a Bocce court, a sport I was completely unfamiliar with. I now consider myself a Bocce expert; well not really, but the time spent mocking each other repeatedly was a great use of our time. I came to realize that consistency in foreign towns definitely has perks. I now use the Lompoc and Café This Way as a bellwether for future encounters in the area. Unfortunately, I doubt a new experience will hold up in comparison.

After a long night at the Lompoc, where we actually provided our own Ginger Beer for the Dark and Stormies, and a long day of climbing, and a long drive to get here, I sank onto the Mondo like it was the mattress of kings. Excited about meeting new people, excited about finding a new location in my home state and exhausted from the day’s trials, I slept with anticipation of what is to come as we continue our journey.

We called upon the author to explain, he was completely unable.

 

The Monomyth So Far (from The Author’s storyline..)

The Call to Adventure

Campbell: The Call To Adventure – “A blunder – apparently the merest chance – reveals an unsuspected world, and the individual is drawn into a relationship with forces that are not rightly understood.

While staying in an out of the way Bangkok hostel, after having done yoga on the patio overlooking the vast sullen city I chose a destination at random and headed for Railay Beach.  One tuktuk, one plane, one van, and one boat later I found myself in one of the epic Southeast Asian climbing mecca’s.  I lay on the beach, but looking up at the cliffs I knew the beach wasn’t what I’d come there for…

Refusal of the Call

In some stories, the hero initially refuses the call to adventure. When this happens, the hero may suffer somehow, and may eventually choose to answer, or may continue to decline the call.

Campbell: Refusal of the Call – “Refusal of the summons converts the adventure into its negative. Walled in boredom, hard work, or ‘culture,’ the subject loses the power of significant affirmative action and becomes a victim to be saved.”

I returned to the states, and to the grind.  I eventually found my way to the BRG and on solitary Tuesdays I’d climb routes while Mateyko bouldered the overhanging wall.  We were the only people in the gym, and oddly enough we didn’t meet for another six months.  I worked my way through the 8s and 9s and 10s and built the confidence I’d need to send outside.  I worked, and I denied the return to Thailand, or France, or Mallorca, while I toiled and grew strong on local granite.

Supernatural Aid

After the hero has accepted the call, he encounters a protective figure (often elderly) who provides special tools and advice for the adventure ahead, such as an amulet or a weapon.

I met the D’Alroy, a crazy creature of myth and legend who’d been climbing since the dawn of time.  He taught techniques that blasted me from 10a to 11a in a matter of weeks.  

Refusal of the Call – Part 2

One of the clearest references to the refusal and its consequences comes in the voice of Yahweh in Proverbs 1:24-27 and 32:

Because I have called, and ye refused … I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh; when your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you. … For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the prosperity of fools shall destroy them.

I have become unemployed, but rather than reaping destruction upon me, it has smashed my bonds and set me free.  As it has for Mateyko, but like an elephant who grew up in chains and then can not break the twine that holds him, he hasn’t realized it yet.

The Crossing of the First Threshold

The hero must cross the threshold between the world he is familiar with and that which he is not. Often this involves facing a “threshold guardian”, an entity that works to keep all within the protective confines of the world but must be encountered in order to enter the new zone of experience

I suspect that Max or Gavin might be the entity, or some crazy spaniard.. only Mallorca will tell.

 

 

Rumney Report 5/16/09 (in which Tex creates run on sentences)

written by texdufour, who is too lazy to post himself:

So, I’ve been totally jonesing for more burns on a sweet bouldery 5.11c/d at the Illustrious Firewall but the crew was craving Rumney (and Firewall is bolted in a Spanish style, and I need to get my lead legs on.. nothing like 20 foot run outs on your warm ups..)

In the grand scheme of things, ticking off all the Star Wars named routes at Rumney seems like a pretty fabulous idea, even if it means making big moves to clips over jagged rocks on Stormtroopers. Mateyko and S.A.D. had project lust for Jedi Mind Tricks, a swanky 5.12b with a move to clip ratio of about 14:1 (and by 14, I mean 4) on a steep overhang. Yoooey (our new favorite fifteen year old prodigy) has been working on Peanut Man, a 5.11d jug haul with a sweet undercling/crimp crux combo, and Deb just wanted to follow us up whatever tens we were working on.. so.. in short, and in long, Rumney met everyone’s needs.

We started the day warming up on the Main Cliff, hanging with the Russians, and getting the sweetest beta ever for Jedi Mind Tricks from a French-Canadian couple (two kneebars, no three, two heel-toe cams, or maybe one, and at least one hand-foot-toe-cam cross through to a distant sloper.. or some such non-sense.. ) I finally decided to plunge into leading with some 5.5 (hardcore!) to 5.8 face climbs (lose your feet, scrape your face on the rock..), and then climbed up the choss to watch Yoooey two-fall his project. The kid is no doubt absurdly strong, but he clearly needs to A. Rest, B. Not f-up the beta on the crux, C. Wear a shirt when working at BRG. S.A.D. managed to finish it with a take or two, while Ryan ran up some random 10 for Deb.

Warm up done. Mateyko and Deb were ten minutes behind us for some reason. They may or may not have been making out (something about gear left behind?) Next project, Pretzel Logic 5.12a (11d if you’re tall.. and randomly.. I’m going to take a minute to bitch.. bouldery sit starts should get upgraded for us 6’4″ folk, you try pulling off the ground when the holds are 1’10” up and your arms are 3’5″ long). Nothing terribly impressive. No sends. Mateyko managed not to fall on the opening jugs but failed on the following crimps. S.A.D. managed to finish with only one take. Sendage will come soon. It should also be noted, that I’m getting damn good at keeping heavy people off the ground when they cut loose gunning for the second clip.

Mateyko breezing past jugs to crimps on Pretzel Logic

S.A.D. hitting the jug on Pretzel Logic

Project time. As we entered Lower Vader some hardcore old guy decked, sprained his ankle, taped it tight, and then finished Storm Troopers with righteous fury. I’m pretty sure I’m not that hardcore now, hopefully I will be when I’m 60. Mateyko promptly started spraying beta at some random flailing on JMT for a while. While Yoooey and I cruised through Yoda and Ryobi. Finally Mateyko got his turn at JMT but by that point I got bored and wandered off to Waimea (soaked..) and Triple Corners to send some random routes (Murk Trench, 5.10a, and Left El Diego 5.9; pretty entertaining, getting my lead-ego back). Mateyko managed to fly through 3/4ths of the route before getting stone walled at the upper crux. S.A.D scrubbed his way through most of the route and eventually got all the moves with no fewer than 20 takes. Alas, no pictures exist of this project from this trip.

Post-trip I sprinted between birthday parties and ended up meeting up with a business associate of mine who was shooting tequila and had a gorgeous heart broken kiwi lesbian on his arm, and it was going to rain, so I shot tequila, and then it rained, and I didn’t go to Firewall, and was sad, but Bruiser made paella, so.. all in all, not a bad weekend.

Next up: Acadia.

 

Sendage

My first boulder project of the summer went down on the second attempt of the day.  Pulled a sweet flake toe jam/ knee cam on the top gaston FTW. Felt good.  Now for Iron Cross, The Random Roof at Hammond, and everything at Sand Beach in Acadia.  Alas, no pictures of this exist, since they apparently thought I was going to work it (clearly my epic confidence was focused on the wall and not radiating out as it normally does).  In lieu of, here’s a few of Jo and Sarumon.  Jo sent some sweet V1’s on her first day out, Sarumon ate cookies (and sent V1).

Sarumon saving her energy for the crag.

Jo smiling sweetly as she dances up a random V1.

 

Sarumon deadly serious, sending same said V1.

 

Mother’s Day Bouldering Report

For those of us whose mothers live far away, flowers were sent early and bouldering plans at Lincoln Woods were made. It would turn out to be the perfect May day — Sunny, 70 degrees, breezy, and most importantly, no black flies. Despite the wonderful weather forecast for Sunday, traddie Chris “Bruiser” Bruser could not wait to start his first outdoor bouldering session. Thus the Bruiser kicked off the session on a rainy Saturday night with an epic FA: Playbook’s Porch, V2 with Mateyko’s arm, V5 dyno without. To celebrate the FA, Bruiser proceeded to “fix” all of Playbook’s quickdraws in his gear closet by taking them apart and making trad draws with slings. There may or may not have been alcohol involved.

Come Sunday morning. The sun was out, the black flies were absent, the crash pads were ready (including the cadillac of crash pads – the BD Mondo), and the trad rack was out.

— Hang on a sec, chief.. Trad rack? I thought y’all were bouldering —

I wish I could give a good answer as to why we had a trad rack, but the only thing I can say is that no one knows what runs through the Bruiser’s head. Except cowboys riding dinosaurs. But I digress.

Rare footage of the Bruiser being dynamic

We made our way to the Warm Up Boulder/Cave Boulder area. The Mateyko had two projects lined up here: Neil’s Lunge (V4) and Iron Cross (V4), both of which I have no doubt he will send this summer. Dufour was on a quest to sandbag the Mateyko and do the same lines. I was working Full Throttle (V9) and looking to send Jacked Bagel (V7) in the Cave Boulder.

Before I continue, let me take a second here to introduce friend James P. Jones of photographyri.com. I first met him at Lincoln Woods back in April as he was capturing the essence of bouldering, not just in the climbing, but the lifestyle. Check him out at http://www.photographyri.com/index.php.

Other friends who showed up to boulder included Glen “I Should Keep My Eyes Open” Templeton, Paul “O Canada” Soczka, Sarah Schuller (I got nothin’ here), and Hilary “I’ve Injured My Talus” Smith (more on that story to come).

Glen would stick the dyno if his eyes were open

S.A.D. pulling through Iron Cross - Courtesy of James P. Jones

Mateyko setting up for his crux on Iron Cross

Mateyko taking Neil's Lunge - Courtesy of James P. Jones

Dufour chicken wings on Neil's Lunge

It is important to note here that snazzy shorts do not improve one’s climbing. As it happened, the only victory this weekend was my send of Jacked Bagel (a video is floating around somewhere on Dufour’s camera). The day was not wasted though. Dufour and Mateyko are both one move away from finishing Neil’s Lunge and close to pulling through the crux on Iron Cross. Insert cliche about learning more from failures than successes, and having the will to get back up after falling.

Dufour surrendering to Neil's Lunge for the day

Dufour surrendering to Canada

As the day wound down and we grew tired, we moved to The Wave Boulder and Ship’s Prow Boulder for a change in scenery and some cool downs. The rookie Hilary on her first outdoor bouldering trip had been climbing strong V1 all day, when after finishing strong on another V1, jumped down and landed with only one and a half feet on the crash pad, thus rolling the remaining half and breaking her ankle. Hilary remained in high spirits hopped up on painkillers through waning moments of the day. What a trooper. I have no doubt she will be back on the rock by September pulling even harder.

<Ahnold> I'll be back </Ahnold>

 

The Rumney Report

Unseasonably warm weather clearly caused by apocalyptic global warming caused by corporate greed caused by our corporate legal structure which derives all power from the blood and sweat of the working class.. (the forty five pages of ongoing discussions I’ll redact as at this point on Friday I decided sleep was more important than the issues of the working class); led to one sweet weekend of climbing at Rumney.  The send train didn’t really leave the station, but a bunch of classic tens were led by Mateyko and S.A.D. while I cleaned up as second.  

Day One:  Warm Ups at Lower Vader, which I’m not finding all too amusing (Yoda, Vader..) Don’t get me wrong, good routes in the 9’s, but short and pretty easy to figure out.  The highlight of our stay at the crag was watching S.A.D. work the opening moves on Stormtroopers, short and smooth with all the holds facing the wrong way.  We then walked up to Bonsai where everyone flew through Peer Pressure including the Barron (a moniker that clearly needs replacement..)  S.A.D. and I managed to piece together Pretzel Logic with the D’Alroy spraying beta and enthusiasm all the way to the top.  All things considered I don’t think I linked more than 3 moves together, while S.A.D. will probably red point it at some point in the near future.  The Mateyko was more or less defeated by the third move, a long reach to the sharpest, most positive, jug ever.  Fabulous peel off video’d here.

 

Mateyko breezes through Peer Pressure

 

"Where do I go from here?" "UP!" (Barron, Peer Pressure)

 

Secret Asian Dan wonders why the holds all face right on Stormtroopers.

 

"So you see that crimpy thing on the left?" "No" "It's RIGHT There" "Nope" Fat Dan and Skinny Dan contemplate Pretzel Logic

D'Alroy looks better in Sepia, Pretzel Logic Projecting

 

 

 

Day Two was all about the Bonsai wall. Let me rephrase, Day 2 was all about D’Alroy opening the day in purple underwear smoking a cigarette and harassing Mateyko, and then it was all about Bonsai.  D’Alroy and The Canadian took off to guide the new crew through the lower cliffs while we wandered off to Bonsai. Opening with Masterpiece and Centerpiece, closing with prolonged projecting of Social Outcast. The camera was pretty faded at this point so few photos exist of either the Bonsai sends or the hike out to see the Hinterlands and take a quick run up Jolt.  The Mateyko led it with this break for which we may or may not strike his ascent from his resume..

S.A.D. : Are you resting or climbing?

The Mateyko: Neither, there’s a huge wasp on the sloper I’m going for

Tex: Wasps are only 5.6, you can’t stop for a single wasp.

(5 minutes pass)

S.A.D. : I think this counts as a rest

 

The Mateyko throws a gratuitous heel hook on Social Outcast

(Movie delayed due to formatting issues..)

 

Upcoming: First Rumney Weekend

Secret Asian Dan works the moves on Great White, Waimea, Rumney, NH

We hit Rumney last weekend for the first serious time this summer (that frigid weekend where we worked one route and did some twilight bouldering hardly counts, cold shards on the parking lot wall almost left me wanting never to return).   After seeing the legendary Waimea for the first time I’m anxious to return.  Allegedly the daytime temps will be in the high 70’s with bright sun to tan our pale New England bodies.

I probably should track down a guidebook for the weekend if D’Alroy is going to be in the Red (The D’Alroy is unpredictable like that..), but I’m thinking of basking in the sun up at Waimea on Saturday and working the hard 11’s seems like a pretty good plan, and then maybe walking around to the Pru on Saturday.

Perhaps, if we’re lucky, the White Hand of Sarumon will show up and I’ll get some good video of her squeeking and cursing as she peels of her first lead climbs on real rock.  Otherwise I expect S.A.D. to put down a few serious pulls on Great White.

 

The Conception

The Crew in front of Waimea at Rumney

We were at Rumney on the first sunny day to strike NH in perhaps six months.  D’Alroy was basking in the sun and smoking another cigarette, Secret Asian Dan was gazing at a leisurely overhanging 5.8, and Mateyko had wandered off to watch our trad head friend attempt to climb yet another chossy crack off to the side of the crag in question.

Conversation drifted through the nominal topics, weather, rope, climbing conditions, D’Alroy’s plans for the red, bourbon, bacon, bacon infused bourbon, the recent discovery of Firewall, rye, bacon, bacon infused rye, bacon cookies, whether or not that girl was ever going to finish falling off the problem so we could warm up, and eventually, the possibility and probability of living an eternal dreamy life of crushing hard in exotic and locale crags.

I proposed the theory, that perhaps, the climbers of the world who weren’t crushing 5.15a and on-site-ing V10 might enjoy hearing the story of a group of guys who managed to live the dream of starting at a meager 5.10 or so who through hard work, and dedication, and sweet gear provided by generous sponsors, and maybe some airline tickets, and maybe, if we were really lucky and worked hard, some bourbon and bacon magnates.  That in fact, if we lived in the pseudo public eye, we’d crush harder, our lives would be better, and we’d be creating jobs in this rough economy by abandoning ours.

So here it goes, the expedition begins, but before we commence.. the cast of characters…